A Clean Slate

This being January first and all, it seems almost MANDATORY that a blog be written about resolutions, clean slates, new starts, etc etc.
I have always despised the whole NEW YEARS EVE celebratory fetes.
In my younger, partying days it seemed forced and just an excuse to behave badly fueled on by alcohol. Later, it seemed best to just work -- bartending, waitressing, etc. If I had to be out, might as well make money at it.
Now it seems just best to stay in, and reflect.
Take the tree down.
Start January 1 with a clean slate: or the very least: a clean house.

Today I am puttering about.
sweeping floors, cleaning bathrooms, getting into all those nooks and crannies avoided when there were oodles of thing to be done in the name of Christmas and all that goes with it.

During a long drive yesterday with the family, my brain kept going back to a favorite poem.
A poem I first discovered in high school and loved and latched onto with the fervor of youth.

Oddly enough, now at this *ahem* ripe old age, I am finally truly getting what it all means.
Let me share the poem with you. It is called WAITING and it is by John Burroughs

ERENE, I fold my hands and wait,

Nor care for wind, nor tide, nor sea;

I rave no more 'gainst time or fate,

For, lo! my own shall come to me.




I stay my haste, I make delays,

For what avails this eager pace?

I stand amid the eternal ways,

And what is mine shall know my face.




Asleep, awake, by night or day,

The friends I seek are seeking me;

No wind can drive my bark astray,

Nor change the tide of destiny.




What matter if I stand alone?

I wait with joy the coming years;

My heart shall reap where it hath sown,

And garner up its fruit of tears.




The waters know their own and draw

The brook that springs in yonder height;

So flows the good with equal law

Unto the soul of pure delight.




The stars come nightly to the sky;

The tidal wave unto the sea;

Nor time, nor space, nor deep, nor high,

Can keep my own away from me

I am especially drawn to the lines:
I stand amid the eternal ways
and what is mine shall know my face

Eternal ways........What do YOU consider "eternal ways" ?
I think for me, they have alot to do with the words I chose to tattoo on my body:
Peace, Love, Grace, Faith, and Compassion.

And if you are reading this.....or are in my life now.....,
well--you know my face and chances are: somewhat like minded.

Lets not think of the New Year as a time to "wipe a slate clean" or start anew.
Think of it as shedding skin....the essence is still there.....but cast off all that bogs you down. All that is NOT an eternal way. All that does NOT know your face.....

May 2012 be the year that you become the best YOU you can be.
May your life be filled with unexpected joys and blessings abounding.

Where has the time gone?

well here we are nearing the end of 2011 and ...............
HOLY CATS!
I haven't blogged since February.
Sheesh--you would think with my lush life I would so totally be blogging up to the minute reports, right?! I mean what with all my FREE TIME you would think this would be childs play!
/end sarcasm.
What I can tell you is this:
2001 has been the year of education.
I am learning what it takes to keep a family strong and running.
I am learning what it takes to keep a marriage healthy and alive.
I am learning how to make the most outta my decreased paycheck. :P
I am learning how not to take for granted the health of ANYONE.
and oh so much more.
The last life flight to Oakland with the boy truly put a sharp focus on the day to day INCONVENIENCES that one is prone to experiencing (i.e.-- the long line at Starbucks, someone cutting in front of you on the highway, etc etc) and made me realize just how fragile all this mortal coil is.
That being said: we have had a seizure free boy (KNOCK WOOD THIS VERY MOMENT!!!) for almost three months.
A seizure free boy who also still has language and learning and is NOT zombified.

SO there's that!
I wish for a happy and healthy 2012--full of love, laughter, growth, and joy.
I wish for that for YOU TOO .


oh.................. and if I got a bunch of sewing time in there, too--that wouldn't suck, either! <3

The blink of an eye............

so you are just sitting there.
it's been a long day- a good day, but long
your daughter is tucked in bed,
your husband to be is sitting in a big comfy chair, his boy tucked in with him, cuddling-settling in for the "pre-bed wind down"
you think- Life is good.

then
then you see what your internet research has told you is an ictal smile
A crooked little grin that indicates:
SEIZURE

you watch.
you see the smile, the head nod, the wide eyed stare and dilated pupils.
you wait.
seconds turn into minutes

then
its all over

you are emotionally rung out, knotted and worried.

the boy?
no worse the wear.....or so it seems.

and so life goes on.

Song of Myself

It is time to explain myself -- let us stand up.
What is known I strip away,
I launch all men and women forward with me into the Unknown.

What I know thus far:

• at 46 I think I FINALLY "get it"
• I understand what it means to love and be loved and accept both graciously
• The bigger picture will always trump the smaller immediate need.
• Some milestones are so small that if you blink--you'll miss them: keep your eyes open
• Family is where you find it.

all this being said : I will endeavor to blog--
on sewing, on tattoos, on being a mom to a righteous 9 year old girl, to being a step mom to a severely autistic 8 year old boy with TS, on finding true love through a bumper sticker, on being a geek...............

stick around and read on as I launch us into the unknown