Sunday, January 16, 2011

What is "normal"?

Yesterday--

I held him in the back of the car while Clay drove us to the ER

His little body twitching and jerking.
there was vomiting.

By the time we reached the ER we were hopeful that the worst was over.
We were wrong.

It is maddening to go into the ER and try to get someones attention through the Plexiglas....
Clay is holding jack who is rigid. Vomiting. And it appears as if everyone is moving in slow motion.

I won't lie to you --This was as bad as Clay has ever seen--and that is saying ALOT
I felt utterly useless except to answer questions, sign papers
AND I felt completely compelled to make sure that I had a hand on him the whole time.
Amidst all the tubes and wires and medical paraphernalia-- I foolishly thought that if I had MY flesh touch HIS flesh it would somehow help......

after we were released we came home and watched him sleep
(the meds gratefully conk him out)

and then we go about the business of getting back to normal
(have a drink, get some food, wander about the house to do "things")
what is NORMAL?
When at any moment you can be holding a small child in your arms who is twitching and jerking- racing to the ER........
is "normal" the opposite?
of course, we are hyper vigilant right now....
so that flavors our "normal"

any thoughts?

2 comments:

Cheryl Paoletti said...

I had to go back and read a couple entries to see what was going on. Is Jack your son? Did he have a seizure? I've never been through that, but it's got to be absolutely terrifying. My 6-year-old cousin has Cerebral Palsy and has had a few seizures. He is on Trileptal for seizures now, I think. (I actually used to take that for my Bipolar). Anyway, I'm rambling. I'm not sure what is "normal" either, but I'm sure I would have reacted the same way.

Anonymous said...

Strength and love to Jackson, to Poppa, to Momma, and to Big Sister.