Where has the time gone?

well here we are nearing the end of 2011 and ...............
HOLY CATS!
I haven't blogged since February.
Sheesh--you would think with my lush life I would so totally be blogging up to the minute reports, right?! I mean what with all my FREE TIME you would think this would be childs play!
/end sarcasm.
What I can tell you is this:
2001 has been the year of education.
I am learning what it takes to keep a family strong and running.
I am learning what it takes to keep a marriage healthy and alive.
I am learning how to make the most outta my decreased paycheck. :P
I am learning how not to take for granted the health of ANYONE.
and oh so much more.
The last life flight to Oakland with the boy truly put a sharp focus on the day to day INCONVENIENCES that one is prone to experiencing (i.e.-- the long line at Starbucks, someone cutting in front of you on the highway, etc etc) and made me realize just how fragile all this mortal coil is.
That being said: we have had a seizure free boy (KNOCK WOOD THIS VERY MOMENT!!!) for almost three months.
A seizure free boy who also still has language and learning and is NOT zombified.

SO there's that!
I wish for a happy and healthy 2012--full of love, laughter, growth, and joy.
I wish for that for YOU TOO .


oh.................. and if I got a bunch of sewing time in there, too--that wouldn't suck, either! <3

I've been here before

As I write this it is 10:25 pm
Clay left with the boy about 10 minutes ago --ER bound
He has been having WONDERFUL days......talking, making connections, good moods
I usually lay with him for a bit till he goes to sleep.
Tonight the seizure started while in bed
I hurriedly sat him up and got the bucket
there was teeth grinding, some vomitting and the "going away"
We tried to talk him into fighting it....."staying with us" and it almost looked like he was going to
but
he couldn't fight it.
he started to go rigid.
jerking
I couldn't go to the ER with them

Darrah is asleep
its late......

People have said to us
"you know, you really need to get him on meds for this"

oh really?! gee why didn't WE think of THAT!

asshats.
we have had him on meds.
the problem is: the boy goes away
the language goes
the good mood goes
the learning goes
the cranky, irritable, zombie comes.
and stays

so what to do?

right now
at this very minute all I can do is wait.
wait for the phone call or the text where clay says the seizure is under control
then the one that says they are on their way home
then we watch him
we snooze with him
and we try to get through the next days.

what else IS there to do?

What is "normal"?

Yesterday--

I held him in the back of the car while Clay drove us to the ER

His little body twitching and jerking.
there was vomiting.

By the time we reached the ER we were hopeful that the worst was over.
We were wrong.

It is maddening to go into the ER and try to get someones attention through the Plexiglas....
Clay is holding jack who is rigid. Vomiting. And it appears as if everyone is moving in slow motion.

I won't lie to you --This was as bad as Clay has ever seen--and that is saying ALOT
I felt utterly useless except to answer questions, sign papers
AND I felt completely compelled to make sure that I had a hand on him the whole time.
Amidst all the tubes and wires and medical paraphernalia-- I foolishly thought that if I had MY flesh touch HIS flesh it would somehow help......

after we were released we came home and watched him sleep
(the meds gratefully conk him out)

and then we go about the business of getting back to normal
(have a drink, get some food, wander about the house to do "things")
what is NORMAL?
When at any moment you can be holding a small child in your arms who is twitching and jerking- racing to the ER........
is "normal" the opposite?
of course, we are hyper vigilant right now....
so that flavors our "normal"

any thoughts?

No rest for the weary..........

I MEANT to do a blog about being Thankful and grateful at Thanksgiving.
THEN at Christmas --one about what true giving means
and YET AGAIN --at New Years--one of reflection.

See where I am going with this?
Haven't had any time for such luxuries as blogging.......there are children to take care of (including a trip to Oaklands Children's Hospital for two days of testing)a house to keep up (in since june--and no, we aren't all unpacked), errands to run, a job to go to .....
and most importantly--a family to be a part of.

I used to be online alot.
ALOT.

but that was when I lived in a real crappy house with a man who I didn't want to be married to let alone spend "quality time" with....
and so I self medicated with oodles of blogging and online chit chat .....

so here is to 2011.
whatever it may hold.
hopefully I can keep up on this blasted--uhhhhhhhhhhhhh BLESSED? --blog.